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solipsism is lonely

by Larissa Rook

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1.
caliche ice 04:54
lyrics
caliche ice you can't make money you can't make money you can't make money if the bee's out of honey i can't shake this disease and the dogs keep barking at the thing in the trees you can't make time you can't make time you can't make time on caliche ice and the dogs keep barking when it fell from the sky you can't make sense you can't make sense you can't make sense if you censor yourself so get dirt on your feet or you're obsolete and the dogs keep barking at the thing underneath you can't make money you can't make money you can't make money if the bee's out of honey and the bee's out of honey i can't shake this disease i can't shake this disease i can't shake this disease and even if i could and even if i could and even if i could the dogs keep barking at the thing in the woods words and music by Larissa Rook, copyright 2018
2.
judgment day 05:19
lyrics
judgment day it's all the same all the same all the same it's just nothing who's to blame? who's to blame? who's to blame? it's just nothing but at 1:30 in the afternoon on Friday what's it gonna be boys? it's just a drink just a drink just a drink it's just nothing it's just a word just a word just her word it's just nothing but at 1:30 in the afternoon on Friday what's it gonna be boys? her heart stuck out like a sore thumb carve it out, serve it up roasted pigeon chew it up, spit it out leave you the crumbs hit and run hit and run hit and run hit and run it's all the same all the same all the same it's just nothing who's to blame? who's to blame? who's to blame? it's just nothing judgment day judgment day judgment day was just nothing but at 1:30 in the afternoon on Friday what's it gonna be boys? what's it gonna be boys? what's it gonna be boys? is it always gonna be boys? words and music by larissa rook copyright 2018
3.
momentum 05:16
lyrics
momentum i keep dropping that rusty chain on the ground i can't keep the gate closed not now i have heard you sing unspeakable things you through me the key and it sprouted wings oh i will dodge every dagger thrown at me i will stand like a queen on the debris i have heard you scream unspeakable things you open your mouth and a lifeboat came out oh but lots are available at Escondido post hole drilling and women are never too old i get a bit mouthy in the morning times are changing it's called momentum look it up but what's behind that door? it's something it's nothing it's everything it's killing me it's nothing or it's everything or it's something you didn't expect i defy definition i rely on intuition i defy definition i rely on intuition hey, hey, hey, hey, hey but lots are available at Escondido post hole drilling and women are never too old i get a bit mouthy in the morning times are changing it's called momentum it's science look it up but what's behind that door it's something it's nothing it's everything it's killing me it's nothing or it's everything or it's something you didn't expect words and music by Larissa Rook copyright 2019
4.
day before D day 05:04
lyrics
day before D day it's the day before D Day and how do i feel? like anything is possible i had the chance to do it over and i did it i did it different but that doesn't make it better it doesn't make it click cuz i still don't feel like i am legit my pencil lead's broken and hanging on like a loose tooth but i'll drag it across the paper just to write down the truth i see smoke on the horizon my house is on fire but at least it will keep me warm tonight oh, oh, so i will open the door cuz i want more i want more the morning doves are screaming at me like Leonard C from the grave i wish i knew what they were saying but i can't translate and it's getting so crowded in here it's hard to breathe solipsism's so lonely when everyone is me oh, oh, so i will open the door cuz i want more oh, oh, oh i will open the door cuz i still want more i want more i want more courage, more time more dinner, more wine more souvenirs yeah, i'll have another beer more freedom, more fire more peach, more desire more tears if it brings me more years more coffee, more tea more you and more me more us, more us, more us more patience please and more tacos and more chocolate cuz i still want more i want more words and music by larissa rook copyright 2019
5.
shapeless 04:52
lyrics
shapeless "Time in the shadow of the wing of a thing too big to see, rising." here we go again right back where we started you were surprised then but everything new is old again words and music by Larissa Rook, copyright 2019 quote by David Foster Wallace
6.
alien love song (explicit) 04:57
lyrics
alien love song wheels keep rolling i can't shut my mouth make it stop these breaks don't work for shit i'm gonna cut my nose off to spite my face but my tongue keeps falling in and out of place and i'm to blame and i'm to blame and i know i'm the only one to blame same ol' same ol' kicking my ass no one can cut through my heart like your words can like a zombie moody son of a gun but i love him most cuz we have all the fun and you know what i mean you know what i mean i know you know what i mean i was just shitting you lord i don't really want to die always the storm before the calm put on your happy face i wish my hands were made of horns so i could punch a hole outside just to perform there is a tiny fly in my Gatorade like an alien dropped from outer space and you know what i mean you know what i mean do you know what i mean? i was just shitting you lord i don't really want to die always the storm before the calm so put on your happy face you know what i mean you know what i mean i love him most he's my dreamboat i was just shitting you lord i don't really want to die always the storm before the calm put on your happy put on your happy put on your happy face words and music by larissa rook copyright 2010
7.
ghost of st. louis 03:42
lyrics
ghost of st. louis his ghost comes knocking you better stand up you better stand up you better stand up and take your hat off you better shut up you better shut up you better shut up and listen to the man sing woah woah woah he'll take your picture he'll take your picture and keep it in a box of records with some cold teeth you play for pasta and adoration while howling wolf comes stomping across your gravestone woah woah woah at the end of the day what a long way down at the end of the day what a long way down at the end of the day what a long way down at the end of the day what a long way down at the end of the day what a long way down at the end of the day what a long way down at the end of the day what a long way down at the end of the day what a long way down words and music by Larissa Rook, copyright 2019
8.
lucky 03:37
lyrics
lucky i'm a monster i'm dead i've been burned and i've bled should be grateful what i've got should be thankful but i'm not just look what they've done to me i'm not the same girl i used to be there's a scar across my heart and a black cat at my feet i'm so lucky the table's filled with doctors' bills even though i am "no longer ill" i just smile and hide rabbit foot inside just look what they've done to me i'm not the same girl i used to be there's a scar across my heart and a black cat at my feet i'm so lucky november's here and it's cold outside will i ever see you again? i remember those nights we would ride your motorbike through the rain down Gravois past Lemmons to the 711 how the hell did we do it? nachos and beer but i swear i've changed i swear i've changed i swear i've changed i swear i've changed and i'm so lucky words and music by Larissa Rook copyright 2005, 2019
9.
give and take 05:12
lyrics
give and take you give you give you give you give to get you give you give you give won't let me forget you take like you won a bet but i'm not a claim you can collect you take you take you take all you can get you take you take you take with no regret you give me your excuse and it's the best but i never made that request where do we go now? what do we do now? it's the end of the show now the curtain is coming down now what do we say now? what song should i play now? to make this a happy ending once the towel has been thrown in so you win you win you win you win the cup you win you win you win cuz i just give up but you take one more swing that's so you it's kind of your thing where do we go now? what do we do now? it's the end of the show now the curtain is coming down now what can we say now? what song should i play now to make the a happy ending once the towel has been thrown in so i'll give i'll give i'll give i'll give it one more day than i'll give i'll give i'll give i'll give you away it's time to take the final bow but wait i never could quit you cuz maybe i'm just like you anyhow words and music by Larissa Rook, copyright 2019

about

This album is mostly about my experience as a breast cancer survivor. The emotional and physical experience. Writing these songs helped me heal. And I hope that it might offer something to others. To survivors, to caregivers, and to anyone experiencing a serious illness.

I finished this album in March 2020 just as Covid-19 arrived in the United States. I knew that even though I had worked hard on the recording and was eager to share it, I needed to put the release on hold in order to make space for others. There were musicians suddenly out of work that needed the spotlight more than I did.

And then on Memorial Day weekend, George Floyd was murdered.
In front of the world. And it was disturbing and horrific. And I knew my time and space was better used by listening. Learning. Giving.

Because...

Black Lives Matter

And in this time, I realized that I have had a much different cancer experience than others. Because of my privilege, I had access to health care that covered my biopsy, my initial surgery, my chemo, and my radiation. I had doctors that listened to me when I asked for a second opinion. I had a job that allowed me sick leave. And because of this, I am alive today. I have lived 18 years since my first diagnosis. And even though my cancer returned last year, I am still alive. And I have access to scans, biopsies, and treatment.

Unfortunately, not everyone diagnosed with cancer shares this experience. Black women face inequities in healthcare in the United States. And it is not fair.

This is why I am donating all my bandcamp sales from this album to the Black Women's Health Imperative. As it says on their website, they are "the only national organization dedicated solely to improving the health and wellness of our nation's 21 million Black women and girls, physically, emotionally, and financially." For more info see bwhi.org

Follow me on my blog at dallehouse.blogspot.com to see updates. I will be posting records on how much money is raised and donated.

Thanks for listening!

credits

released September 4, 2020

All songs written, performed, recorded and produced by Larissa Rook.

All songs mastered by Jason Rook.

Photos and album cover by Larissa Rook.

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Larissa Rook Wimberley, Texas

Larissa Rook (aka Larissa Dalle and former keyboardist/singer for Wormwood Scrubs) to release self-recorded/produced album in 2020.

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